Again

I question my self-esteem when I am with you.

I am not usually an insecure girl.

I’ve longed accepted I will never be Janet to the boys who prefer Halle.

I can’t be everything to everyone in this world.

 

They will either love me or hate me.

There will be no in between.

I will either own you or not care enough to possess you.

There is something wrong with me.

 

But you are my white whale.

You have been since we met.

I want you in other physical forms and on higher planes,

I haven’t even decided I was going to give to you yet.

 

I want you tomorrow.

Do you understand what that means?

Today with you was deficient, yesterday insufficient, tomorrow isn’t beneficent,

Still I need guarantees.

 

If there was a choice between me or a dollar,

You would choose the dollar, come back and say it’s for us.

I will never have you, in the way I require.

And that will never be good enough.

 

Yet still you get the dirtiest parts of me.

I do things I will swear I’ve never tried.

Sometimes I wish you would cheat to make this decision with ease.

But instead the worst you will do is lie.

 

You tell me you’re mine when erect.

“It’s for us.” Then forget.

“I do it all for you.” Then circumspect.

You even have the nerve to lend me your heart for two days and then come collect.

 

I can see my life so clearly if I choose you.

You will make me laugh.

I, in turn, will make you the king, who will rule over me to attempt to get 100% of your heart.

Only to leave with half.

 

There are others who would fall at my feet just to get a fraction of what you’ve seen.

I know, because I’ve left you before.

For eight long years you were crying at my door.

You remembered the electricity when we met.

Every moment of the six years I’ve tried to forget.

Now you are an amnesiac with the start of our encore?

 

I want what I want when I want it.

Then I usually leave for sport.

With you, I’ll take what I can get when I can get it.

And each and every time I feel like I am selling myself short.

 

Is it that you are me?

Is that why I am intrigued?

Is that why I will chase you for six years,

When my capacity for chasing is three?

 

You are everything I can’t even ought.

You will rob Peter to pay Paul then rob Paul to get twice your lot.

For you, fear is an afterthought.

I can’t even pick up a dime in the street without getting caught.

 

I am fire. You are water.

This is the story of me and you.

No matter who I think I am in my head.

You will extinguish me and reveal what is true.

You awaken urges that have lain dormant for several cycles within me.

As easily as it is to awaken the giant beast buried in the earth at our feet.

You’re the puzzle with no solution.

I need you like I need absolution.

You present the door to my evolution.

And I think you hold the key.

But you can’t even give me what I know I deserve long enough for me not to leave.

 

We will either be brilliant.

Or we will fail miserably.

I wish I were the judge and jury.

But we both know that power does not reside with me.

 

I hate every bit of this.

I hate the position I find myself in at the moment.

I’m impatient and you milk it.

I like control and you own it.

 

I don’t know if I can do this with you.

I am not the girl I used to be.

I am not the same girl who would follow you into the darkness willingly.

With time comes age.

With age comes wisdom.

With wisdom comes the end of naivety.

 

One day the words I say and the things I do will align and I will leave you….amen.

But for now I’m shouting, “set me free,” while I fall at your feet…so until then.

Though this time, I have a feeling I will get what I want only to have one of our times end.

Then we will have to agree to meet next lifetime just so we can try this again.

Or we can just come together now, figure it out and ascend.

Say when.

This work is created by, written by and belongs to Aecko and shared here for entertainment.